


at least I got you in my head

by vick



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky still falls, F/M, M/M, Steve marries Peggy but it's only mentioned, steve survives the plane crash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-17 15:49:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18101615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vick/pseuds/vick
Summary: "Bucky?"There was no recognition on Bucky's eyes. Bucky was never a stranger, not even when they first met. Bucky saving him from one punch too many in middle school."Who the hell is Bucky?"





	at least I got you in my head

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Sleepover" by Hayley Kiyoko

The way Bucky looked at Steve was gentle, delicate, fragil. Even though Bucky himself was none of these things. Back then, Steve didn't understand what those looks meant, self esteem non-existent and a firm belief that no one would love him.

Steve convinced himself that it wasn't possible whatever it was that he was seeing in Bucky eyes. Back then, that was it. The war came and there wasn't time to daydream about looks or try to recreated them in his drawings. Steve, to this day, doesn't like to think much about why he was so determinated to go to a war after he found out that that was where Bucky was headed. 

Bucky pleaded with his eyes. Bucky was all bravado and orders. So he pleaded silently that Steve would give up on the idea entirely. Steve avoided his eyes during that time.

Sunddenly Steve was larger, taller, stronger, faster. He wasn't sick anymore, no more back pains or asthma. The way Peggy looked at him after the procedure, made him imagine how Bucky would look at him. Admiration or wonder, disbelief or maybe fear? He didn't had to imagine very long. 

Back then, he thought it was their fate. Always to be together, always to fight side by side no matter who the bully was.

He was wrong.

When Bucky fell he regreted waiting so long.

He was gathering his courage, he was. He was going to ask Bucky about the looks. Steve wasn't completly sure, but he saw in Peggy's eyes what he thought he saw in Bucky's, so maybe... He lost the opportunity, he would never know, he would always wonder. 

Sitting at the table of that bar, trying to get drunk even if his body wouldn't allow, he wished he had been brave enough. He was misled by the idealization of fate, he thought he had time. The impossibility of it all made his grief harsher. He could barely breathe, one of his asthma attacks all over again. Peggy's presence settled something over him, her confort was enough to keep him going.

After the war, his nightmares includes Bucky. The scene replaying on his head. Bucky reaching out for him, begging Steve to catch him with his eyes. Bucky was never the begging type. Bucky also appeared on his dreams. He always used the golden ring on his left hand to ground him when he woke up, dream or nightmare, curling up a little closer to Peggy on their bed. 

The decades went by, quicker than he thought possible. He worked for S.H.I.E.L.D, later joined the Avengers. He needed purpose and there was always a fight to be fought. He looked like he was in his middle 40's. Each one of his older friends dying, one by one. Steve felt lonely, out of time. Peggy insisted that she should stay on a home, Steve didn't like it but there was no arguing with her. He visited her every day when he wasn't on a mission. 

When she started forgetting about him, a lot of desperate thoughts crossed Steve's mind. How could he go on? Without her and without him.

The Winter Soldier took everything out of Steve. Running and fighting like he hadn't done in so long. Hydra again. Painful memories brought back to life.

He saw the eyes but they were too out of context for him to realize what it was in front of him. When the mask fell there was no doubt, it made no sense, but there was no doubt.

"Bucky?"

There was no recognition on Bucky's eyes. Bucky was never a stranger, not even when they first met. Bucky saving him from one punch too many in middle school.

"Who the hell is Bucky?"

The question broked and mended at the same time something in Steve's heart. He didn't save Bucky back then but now he would. 

Maybe there was something about fate after all.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first fanfic! English is not my first language! No betas! Oh my god! Any mistake feel free to let me know.


End file.
